i thought i found her...

A friend whom i look upon and respect like an elder sister.. those words she said... during one of the worst period in my life.. never forgotten...

ME TO HER:

In this scenario, imagine i'm participating in this activity... like a game, i'm supposed to complete a task... to fill an empty bucket...

Me standing in Point A with water source. Empty bucket sitting at Point B. I'm blindfolded and not supposed to see the water level of the bucket. Equipped wit a sponge. Yes, a pathetic SPONGE!

I have to absorb the sponge wit water from Point A, hold the filled sponge while traveling to Point B, then squeeze water out from it into the bucket at B. Finally, go back to Point A with the squeeze-dried sponge in hand & repeat the whole process over and over again.

Unable to see the water level, i can only gauge it by the number of trips i'd made... It's the efforts...! Because i'd made so many many trips... i feel it's somewhere there! How can i bear to give it up now? Can you feel how i feel...?

I described the above to her in a pleading manner... to convey how i felt... when she advised me out of my bad situation...

Yet... her calm reply... burst my tears non-stop...

i described wad i did... wanting her to understand the feeling i had... and, her reply made me understand wad i never had...

HER TO ME:

Okay.. now u are in the game while i'm not. U are blindfolded and can't see the water level. But i can... This is an unfair game to you. Cause the bucket is cracked... No amount of trips can ever fill this bucket...

The truth is... im shattered... alwas diligent to complete this "task"... hoping at least it's like half a bucket full..??

That was how bad i felt... and her words... impacted in me greatly...

This great friend... i'd lost touched with for many years.... while housekeeping, i found my old contact book... saw her contact and decided to call... try out my luck...

I thought i found her.. it reli did sound like her... but the one at the other end of the line replied "wrong number".

Me "... ... ... ".

I texted the number but no reply... i wonder why... ...??

Is she angry with me? For losing touch? I dunno... puzzled... upset...

Actually, some time ago, did try to call her mum's home... but the person staying there say no such person.. 

Dun ask why... i myself dunno why the hell i can rem her mum's home telephone number yet not her mobile...?!!

Remembering... past recent years.. the bad patches that i had, made me change my mobile... and hide away from everyone for some long time..

Maybe she thinks that i'm the one who had forsaken this friendship in the very first place? Some friends are easy to get bk in touch.. but not for her... as she dun Friendster, dun Facebook... dun MSN... ... ...

What shd i do...? sigh..*

The walls we build around us to keep out the sadness, also keep out the joy.