wake-up call?

Sudden, I was given a shook from my long deep sleep...

Wad am i doin? For the past 1 year? Running away & hiding from almost everyone...continuously tryin to entertain & occupy myself with my doggies & computer, so as to avoid facing my probs. Meanwhile, acting nonchalant to those around me, as though i'm reli fine... Lying not only to them & also myself... In fact, i'm not... certain issues still bothers me & certain pple still matters... I know, cos i still can feel the pain somewhere somehow... An emo photo i saw from deviantart.com (below) seems to be illustrating my situation..

I asked myself WHY... why do i wana hide, not wanting to face anyone? It's more of a pride issue... I knw i was weak & vulnerable..and tat is the last side of me tat i'd wan the others to see.. i hate the sorry plight i've landed.. and it's grilling enuff jus by the tot of all my friends being concerned, asking how i am, had been, bla bla bla.. and as thou not worst enough, how am i supposed to answer them? Explainin all over again the things tat i'd went thru, wat happens tat causes tis & tat and hence resulted in the me today...

Because of not wanting to face all these, i shun away from my own life... it's like putting it on the 'PAUSE', changed it completely & pushed all helping hands away while i slowly drown...

Finally, when i'm awaken by the shook, i opened my eyes to realise the other characters walking strongly & far away. Whereas me? Still stuck at the exact spot where i'd paused, alone... The feeling is jus unutterable..

Unable to sleep... so many things runnin thru my mind... this hardy, bullet-proof shell tat i'd built myself for protection, now became a tall, thick concrete wall, blocking me from my freedom, fuckin trapped...

Yes, I'm know... am struggling to fight.. to overcome tis wall, for myself & by myself... Or else, i shall never see light...