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Jus home from dinner wit Janis.. Forgotten how the talk started.. Anyway it did & caused me to feel EMO all over again... "tap flow" uncontrollable till now... self-sympathizing.. resentment of all the sorry plights i'm stucked in... Arrgghhh!!! Why me, why me, why alwas me!!!
I hate the situations i'm in! Seems no easy way out for me.. all decisions so painful! HATE! There's no thing scary or fearful about enemies reli... cos basically they are not being cared for.. even irritating things tat they try to do, oso leaves minimal impact.. It's the ones that we love & care for dearly tat hurts... even simple words they used can easily leave your heart to bleed...
Can i convince myself to leave them? Stay away from them? Ignore them totally while hurting myself at the same time? Why such thoughts will ever come across to my mind? Why am i so narrow-minded? Why so selfish?? Why be so particular? Why can't be more forgiving? Everyone makes mistakes and no one is PERFECT, including me. I blamed myself when things become beta... putting away all the bad things that happened.. Den, after some time, come back to the same situation again!! WHY?!
I think of ways to get out... and the ways to it, causes me even greater pain! Leave my babies?? When all they knw is nuttin but to love me unconditionally? Alwas der for me? Be it today a "ANGEL-ME" or tml a "DEVIL-ME"? When times i got so moody, i tend to even throw my frustrations on them.. i felt so bad after tat.. do they deserve all those bad treatments from me when all they wan is a good hug and pat from me? They've been so tolerant & easy on me.. On form times, they'll look good.. wen lazy, they'll stink.. no complains never... jus wanted love from me back.. Stick side by side with me thru good & bad times, many humans can't even manage do tat!! Broken promises & lies... Who else but them? Truthful & transparent to my eyes... How can i even think of forsakenin them?? I try to put up wit the surroundings for their sakes cos they are truly worthy! But, when the unhappiness sets in, i get moody all over again!! Sometimes feelin tat they are somehow the cause of my sufferings...
I can't pass my own barrier... whichever ways painful... I can't let go & dun see light.. Help!!!
Can i convince myself to leave them? Stay away from them? Ignore them totally while hurting myself at the same time? Why such thoughts will ever come across to my mind? Why am i so narrow-minded? Why so selfish?? Why be so particular? Why can't be more forgiving? Everyone makes mistakes and no one is PERFECT, including me. I blamed myself when things become beta... putting away all the bad things that happened.. Den, after some time, come back to the same situation again!! WHY?!
I think of ways to get out... and the ways to it, causes me even greater pain! Leave my babies?? When all they knw is nuttin but to love me unconditionally? Alwas der for me? Be it today a "ANGEL-ME" or tml a "DEVIL-ME"? When times i got so moody, i tend to even throw my frustrations on them.. i felt so bad after tat.. do they deserve all those bad treatments from me when all they wan is a good hug and pat from me? They've been so tolerant & easy on me.. On form times, they'll look good.. wen lazy, they'll stink.. no complains never... jus wanted love from me back.. Stick side by side with me thru good & bad times, many humans can't even manage do tat!! Broken promises & lies... Who else but them? Truthful & transparent to my eyes... How can i even think of forsakenin them?? I try to put up wit the surroundings for their sakes cos they are truly worthy! But, when the unhappiness sets in, i get moody all over again!! Sometimes feelin tat they are somehow the cause of my sufferings...
I can't pass my own barrier... whichever ways painful... I can't let go & dun see light.. Help!!!
I'm Chasing Up!
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